


"Hi, Yes, I'm Looking for Over-Priced Home Decor."

by tmisos



Category: Dear Evan Hansen - Pasek & Paul/Levenson
Genre: Evan's experiences working at pottery barn, I'll add more tags as i go, My first multi-chapter fic YAY, different people are gonna come in and out, i have 0 ideas, its just gonna be one-shots i think, send me prompts pls
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-08
Updated: 2017-11-17
Packaged: 2018-11-29 14:05:36
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 2,034
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11442435
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tmisos/pseuds/tmisos
Summary: A series of one-shots and prompts about Evan's adventures working at Pottery Barn.





	1. Help A Guy Out My Dude: Send Me Prompts

**Author's Note:**

> i guess i'm doing this because all of my shit is really depressing and i only write when i'm anxious or suicidal so i wanted to prove to the world i don't always want to die i guess??? anyways i'm really bad at writing fluffy, sappy things but i'm gonna try!
> 
> edit: so i guess this was adandoned sorry y'all

HI!!!!! So, unfortunately, this is not a chapter BUT Chapter 2 will be one so buckle up, guys. 

I just wanted to pop in to give you the run down. I'm _really_ bad at writing happy things because my coping mechanism when I'm any sort of down is to write but I wanted to give it a try. These are just going to be cute lil one-shots detailing Evan's life working at Pottery Barn and his interactions with the customers and such. Other characters from the musical will appear, though I'm not sure when. I think Jared will be the first appearance in Chapter 2 and from there on out we'll see. 

It's the summer time so I have a lot of free time that hopefully I'll use to write because I want to start writing more, I just don't have very many ideas. That's why I'm recruiting you guys to send me ideas haha. I've said it like 3 times but I'll say it again for good measure: you can send prompts here in the comments, go to my twitter DM's/tweet me (@tmisos) or DM me/send a prompt to my tumblr ask box (@tmisos). 

Sorry this is short and shitty, I have an idea for Chapter 2 and I'm gonna start that right after I upload this so I'll see y'all again within the next few days, hopefully! Thank you and goodnight!!


	2. Chapter 1

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> TheInsanelyCoolJaredKleinman: where r u rn, acorn?  
> YouWillTreeFound: Work. You know that. Why?  
> TheInsanelyCoolJaredKleinman: just checkin :thinking emoji:  
> YouWillTreeFound: Jared, I swear to God if you show up here one more time I’ll have you banned.  
> TheInsanelyCoolJaredKleinman: *le gasp* u would never !!  
> YouWillTreeFound: I would AlwaysTM.  
> TheInsanelyCoolJaredKleinman: thinking emoji x literally 85  
> YouWIllTreeFound: Jared, no.  
> YouWillTreeFound: Jared?  
> YouWillTreeFound: JARED, ARE YOU SERIOUSLY COMING RIGHT NOW?  
> YouWillTreeFound: *Sigh* I’ve given up on you…

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HI!!!!!! im mega sorry this took so long for anyone who was here from the start.  
> i'm on vacation right now so i haven't had much time to write along with the fact that i couldn't think of a decent ending for this. i had evan on jared's doorstep for like 5 days because i couldn't figure out what jared would do to make it up to evan.  
> sorry if the tenses are all fucked..  
> i know jared's chat name is so over-used but ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯ my unoriginal ass couldn't think of anything better so sue me.  
> i googled tree puns to think of evan's chat name and i'm not even mad at it.  
> uuuuhhhmmmm i'm really sorry this took literally forever but my best friend gave me an A+ idea for ch 2 and i have a few more ideas  
> i suppose this could be kleinsen if you wanted it to be lmao  
> also some other one-shots that aren't for this fic are on their way soon.  
> ok that's a lotta notes  
> again, i'm really sorry this took so long.

Whenever Jared knew Evan was working and Jared had nothing better to do (which was often), Jared would swing on by to Evan’s place of work, Pottery Barn and mess with Evan. It started with little things like moving the items as he was restocking. The first time it was a little funny, albeit annoying as hell. Now it’s just annoying as hell. 

**_TheInsanelyCoolJaredKleinman:_ ** _where r u rn, acorn?_

**_YouWillTreeFound:_ ** _Work. You know that. Why?_

**_TheInsanelyCoolJaredKleinman:_ ** _just checkin :thinking emoji:_

**_YouWillTreeFound:_ ** _Jared, I swear to God if you show up here one more time I’ll have you banned._

**_TheInsanelyCoolJaredKleinman:_ ** _*le gasp* u would never !!_

**_YouWillTreeFound:_ ** _I would Always(TM.)_

**_TheInsanelyCoolJaredKleinman:_ ** _thinking emoji x literally 85_

**_YouWIllTreeFound:_ ** _Jared, no._

**_YouWillTreeFound:_ ** _Jared?_

**_YouWillTreeFound:_ ** _JARED, ARE YOU SERIOUSLY COMING RIGHT NOW?_

**_YouWillTreeFound:_ ** _*Sigh* I’ve given up on you…_

…and so there Jared stands, at the entrance of Pottery Barn, ready for some wholesome fuckery. He knows Evan won’t actually officially ban him, because that would involve speaking to the manager more than necessary and that’s the last thing Evan ever plans to do. The most he would do is quietly kick him out for the day.

He silently locates Evan in one of the back corners, seemingly effortlessly avoiding customers after years of practice hiding in the shadows, but not slacking off and not avoiding them enough that anyone would notice and call him out on it. The perfect combination of invisible and visible.

The bespectacled boy silently notes Evan is hanging near the children’s section today and looks around for something he can do that is discreet enough where he won’t get caught but enough to catch Evan’s eye. Jared notices a white bureau out of the corner of his eye, right in Evan’s line of sight and makes sure no other customers are around before making a run for it and rapidly opening all of the drawers as fast as he can. He makes it a contest with himself. How long will it take for Evan to notice he’s arrived? Almost immediately after the noise starts, Evan’s head snaps up from where he’s pretending to be occupied by rearranging shelves and fluffing pillows and his eyes narrow on Jared.

He actually looks angry this time and Jared’s eyes widen. _‘Shit_.’ He thinks. But nevertheless, he puts on his suave façade and waits for Evan to stop.

“ _Evan_ , my buddy! How’s it going?” he asks. “Jared, w-what the hell are-are you doing here?!” Evan angrily whispers as he stalks past him to shut the drawers his “family friend” opened. “I was bored.” the shorter boy casually responds.

“Yeah? Well, get out.” Evan just looks defeated and Jared almost feels bad, but he’s not done yet. “I will, my good fr- _family_ friend, I will. But first, I’m actually feeling _really_ tired. So I think I might just take a little nap.” Evan watches, bewildered, as Jared honest-to-God makes his way over to the _baby crib,_ for _infants_ , pulls down the side and _crawls inside_. He doesn’t fit, because he’s the size of a grown man, so he curls up in a ball as he lays down and closes his eyes, waiting to see what Evan would do. It isn’t that uncomfortable, actually, and if Evan isn’t going to do anything, he might potentially nap here.

Evan, shocked out of his reverie at what Jared just did, at what he had the _audacity to do_ , practically runs over to the crib with an incredulous look on his face.

“Are…are you _kidding me_?!” he almost shouts before catching himself and hushing down into more angry whispering. The boy in the crib opens one eye, glasses askew, and says “No?” as if it’s the most normal thing in the world and that this just happens every day with average customers. “It’s actually quite comfortable.” Jared says as he closes his eyes once more, testing Evan’s will-power and sanity.

“No, no, no, nope, no, _nope, d-definitely not_.” The blue-eyed boy practically shouts, gaining a few glances from customers, which immediately quiets him down. “ _Y-You_ are coming with _me_!” He’s back to angrily whispering as he grabs Jared by the ear, dragging him from the crib.

“Ow, ow, ow, _ow, oW, OW!!_ ” Evan is fuming and speed-walking to the entrance and Jared is stumbling over his own feet and words, trying to keep up. “Dude, I was just joking!” He tries to laugh it off but Evan is having none of it. Evan stops at the entrance and just sighs. “Jared, please. I’m trying to n-not get fired. I-If you’re not going to buy anything, can you p-please not come back? Please?” He sounds so desperate that Jared finally gives in.

“Okay, fine, dude.” He turns to leave before turning back to face the blue-clad boy. “Hey, when do you get off work?”

“Uh, four-thirty. Why?” He doesn’t get a direct answer. “Come straight to my house after work, okay?”

“Uhh, alright, I guess?” he says, unsure. “Great!” Jared replies with a smile. He actually leaves that time. With a plan in mind.

**4:43PM**

The drive to Jared’s house is quick and stressful with Evan not knowing what Jared was planning. It could be anything, really. It could be a prank or it could actually be something nice, like a present. _‘Highly unlikely.’_ Evan thinks with a scowl. _‘Jared’s an asshole, remember? Family friend?’_

He puts the car in park, shuts it off and gets out, locking it behind him.

At first glance, the house with no car in the driveway and no lights on looks as if no one’s home, but Evan knows better. Jared’s car is probably in the garage and he’s probably playing video games or watching T.V. in the basement.

The sandy-haired boy, still in his Pottery Barn uniform, hesitates at the door. What if Jared really is just going to fuck with him? Oh well. He pulls the set of keys that Jared’s mom gave him in middle school from when they were actually friends out of his pocket and unlocks the door.

When he walks in, the house is dark and silent. “Hello?” he calls.

“Down here!” comes a muffled voice from the downstairs. Figures. He quietly toes off his shoes and heads down the carpeted stairs to the furnished basement.

“SURPRISE!” is what he hears before Jared’s face is awfully close to his with a humongous smile on his lips. Evan skirts around him and notices three things. 1. A pillow fort has been set up, 2. Mario Kart (Evan’s favorite video game) is at the ready, and 3. There is an excessive amount of unopened pizza boxes waiting to be eaten. Presumably by two college-aged boys.

They used to have these nights all the time in high school, but since the whole Connor Project debacle they’ve only done it once or twice.

“What’s this for?” Evan asks hesitantly. “For being a total dick. Then and now, I guess.” Jared responds with a timid smile and Evan nods.

The blue-clad boy, not knowing how to properly respond, just says “Cool. Thanks, man.” with a genuine smile and sits down inside the pillow fort. Jared grabs more pillows and blankets to drag inside the fort and says “Hell yeah, dude.”

They both grab a slice of pizza and a controller before Jared says “I’m still gonna kick your ass in Mario Kart, though.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> lololol sorry this is so bad  
> uhh see y'all next time!
> 
> P.S. the more i look at it, the more it looks like kleinsen so idk. could be romantic or platonic kleinsen, you choose.  
> all i know is that they're Good Bros(TM)


	3. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Evan is occupying himself in the back, as he does, on a quiet Tuesday afternoon. It’s been quite peaceful until a lady in her mid-thirties with a pony-tail, track jacket and yoga pants seemingly targets him specifically in the back. She locks her eyes with his and points a manicured finger almost accusingly at him and says “You!” with full force.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HI!!! so this is not the chapter i was planning on doing for chapter 2 but here's a short and shitty apology chapter for taking actually 30 years on ch 1 i guess. I will be doing the original ch 2 plan soon so look out for it!  
> PS in this chapter, evan hasn't really been working there long. he's only been there a couple hours or so

Evan is occupying himself in the back, as he does, on a quiet Tuesday afternoon. It’s been quite peaceful until a lady in her mid-thirties with a pony-tail, track jacket and yoga pants seemingly targets him specifically in the back. She locks her eyes with his and points a manicured finger almost accusingly at him and says “You!” with full force.

He jumps before straightening out his uniform and plastering on a smile. “Can I help you ma’am?” he doesn’t have the energy nor the courage to be passive aggressive like Jared or perhaps Connor would have been due to such rudeness for no apparent reason.

“I want a lamp.” She says impatiently, but he knows he won’t find one that will immediately satisfy her, forcing him to continue the conversation. “U-uh, okay? Any particular lamp in mind?” he tries as politely as he can manage but this lady’s glare is getting to him.

“Yes.” She says so surely of herself. “I saw one at one of your stores when I was on vacation in Maryland and I want that one.”

“Um, okay, well we’re not very close to Maryland so there’s no guarantee we’ll even have it here but can you give me a more detailed description than ‘a lamp’ please?” he asks timidly, using his fingers to make air quotes around “a lamp.”

The lady sighs agitatedly, like Evan’s being a major pest and _he’s_ being the disrespectful one _and then_ she goes on to say “Ugh, you kids and your attitudes.” with a roll of her eyes. He just stares at her. She continues. “It’s got, like, a white stem, and a beige shade or whatever. And the stem’s kinda round in the middle.”

Evan has a feeling he knows what she’s talking about so he excuses himself to the back to see if they have extras because according to his boss they’re “totally last season.”

It takes a few minutes, but the dirty-blonde boy locates one final make of that particular lamp with a triumphant “ _Aha!_ ” and makes his way back out to where the soccer mom is waiting. “Would this happen to be it?” he asks with a smile.

“Yep, that’s the one. Thanks.” She says sharply before storming off, presumably to pay. He chuckles to himself before realizing her rudeness had been so distracting that he didn’t even have the chance to focus on any of his anxiety. “ _Ha, guess that’s why I still hang around Jared_.” He thinks before resuming his previous activities of mindlessly fluffing pillows and organizing shelves. “ _I could get used to this_ _place_.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry this is SSS (super short and shitty) but its stupid and soccer mom lady is a binch so take it


	4. not a chapter unfortunately :///

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> im putting this on hiatus for now, sorry guys!! :(

so,, yeah. as you guys may have read on the tin, this is not a real chapter and i'm putting this fic to an end for now.

i feel like it's ok, though, because these were all one-shots so it's not like i'm leaving any cliffhangers or anything. 

i'm really sorry to everyone who enjoys this fic but i haven't had any good ideas for it in months and i feel like, instead of making you wonder what happened, i should give you guys an official goodbye-for-now.

i don't know when i'll be back, if ever, but i just wanted to say thank you all for reading and i love you all so so much!!!! much love to you guys and i hope your lives are incredible!! ❤️❤️

~~elliott~~

**Author's Note:**

> i'll try my best to keep this updated because techniclly they're all one-shots and that's what i do best but no promises, sorry dudes. i'm really gonna try to do this, though.


End file.
